You’ll Thank Me Later
Author’s Note: As I write this, I am looking out the window and soaking in the beauty of the mountains and remaining snow of Colorado. We were fortunate enough to have a friend offer to share their beautiful home here with us for a 21st anniversary getaway from the calm and soothing vibe of DFW. This has been a wonderful few days of no agendas, lots of naps, scenic drives and an appreciation of the mountains and all that they entail. A subtle homesickness from my Alaskan upbringing has been hovering overhead throughout our time here. Colorado truly is a blessing for all those who visit, I believe.
As we toured the gradually elevating road northwest toward the beef capital of the nation in our fine, low mileage chariot, Kay and I had another conversation. We both had recently “read” the audio book of an author by the name of Malcolm Gladwell. His book “Outliers” is a fascinating breakdown of what makes certain members of our species excel beyond the lives of others. The term outlier comes from the statistical world defining certain data in a sample to be too remote to include so as not to distort the overall value of the sample being taken. Webster’s Dictionary simplifies the term by describing outliers as: Measurements that are unusually large or small relative to the rest and therefore are suspected of misrepresenting the population from which they were collected. Does that clear it up?
In Gladwell’s book, he dispels the myth that hard work fixes everything. In fact, hard work has its place but in and of itself is no more successful than someone who works smarter. Neither strategy guarantees overwhelming success. Rather, Gladwell concludes that a number of other elements contribute to the success of outliers. Birthdates, socioeconomic background, geographic background, ethnic lineage and opportunities all play a role in determining the future of outliers. As I listened to the author describe these and other elements, I was reminded of my own socioeconomic background, geographic background, ethnic lineage and especially my opportunities. Gladwell hinges a great deal of his book on the idea of leveraging one’s opportunities. When I began to reflect on the opportunities that had come before me and what I had done with them, a huge light bulb went off over my head and nearly burned off the remaining hair that I have.
Whether or not we choose to recognize our opportunities in this world tells a great deal about what direction we are heading. I have been extremely fortunate in my life to have several opportunities shape the life I have today. Both of my parents instilled the importance of hard work and commitment. I have an Irish immigrant mother who held more jobs by the time she was 26 then I’ll probably have my entire life. She never conveyed to us that the answer to rough times is to assume the fetal position. You “fight through it” with the gifts that you do have and this effort will not go unnoticed. My father taught me anticipation - to always be thinking about what needs to happen next and what my role is in that next event. Whether I’m a helper or the leader of that event – what is coming up next determines if the event stops or continues.
We were not a wealthy family growing up so I have an appreciation for the financial opportunities that pass my way. Growing up in Alaska was an opportunity in that we were weird, no mistake there. Our television was on a two-week delay. You would have friends take trips in the summer to the Lower 48 and they would hear songs on the radio before everyone else. As they returned from their trip to share their new found musical insight with the less fortunate plebeians, we were in awe. This kind of weirdness was, in fact, an opportunity. It was an opportunity because we appreciated the speed of information and culture more than those who were immersed in it. We also understood that “life” was still possible in the absence of speed of light culture and fashion changes. MTV and cable TV brought to an end the weirdness of our generation and homogenized the Alaskan youth forever. (Moment of silence here)
All of this talk about opportunity and how we face it is the crux of Gladwell’s book. In fact, his assertion is that our lives are a function of our own efforts of maximizing the opportunities we have been given. It’s difficult to argue against that point and I choose not to as I urge you to do the same if you know what’s good for you.
The word “opportunity,” I have come to believe, is a euphemism for “blessing.” When you think about it, “blessing” carries the same notion but is tied to a theistic source. In fact, when one maximizes blessings, the efforts yield much the same result, if not more. As I took this blessing maximization focus to other areas in my life, it began to take on a universal application. Are we maximizing our efforts in our relationships past and present? Are we maximizing our efforts with our financial blessings? Are we maximizing our efforts with our “lifetime remaining” blessings? This kind of focus can lead some of us to suffer regret paralysis and choose to do nothing. This, as we all know now, is an under-maximization of our blessings. The fact is it’s never too late to begin to maximize our blessings. I reached out this morning in an e-mail to a dear friend and thanked her for her blessings in my life and the affect they had in who I am today. On the one hand I was ashamed I didn’t do it sooner. On the other hand, I don’t think she cared and was probably very grateful for the comments. I was able to partially rid myself of some ungratefulness while letting someone I loved know that they matter immensely in my life. Reaching out to those in your past, to your family or other loved ones is what makes us human. Connecting with others is the most human thing you can do these days and, in doing so, you become a modern day “Outlier.” In this sense, an outlier is someone who feels a need to act for others and does so. So many times the general population chooses not to acknowledge and bless others for blessing them.
The truth is we can all be outliers in the connecting arena. The technology available to us today leaves little room for excuses. No demographic, socioeconomic or lineage barriers exist to prevent us from doing so. Truly the maximization hurdle exists only in our own efforts to initiate contact with those who made us what we are today.
Maybe we should make a list of those individuals who were or are in our lives and begin touching them one life at a time. What better gift could one receive than to know that they had a role in the direction of another’s life and they were told about it? There’s no better way to share your gratefulness and no one will ever accuse you of being an “obliviate.”
Blessings,
Ken - Distracted but not oblivious
“We don't accomplish anything in this world alone ... and whatever happens is the result of the whole tapestry of one's life and all the weavings of individual threads from one to another that creates something.”
- Sandra Day O'Connor
