I lost a good friend who lived in Alaska late last week. Ashley was a few years older than I and also wrestler. He was one of the wrestlers who could be meaner than a bag of snakes if he had to, but he also had a heart of gold. He was like one of those country neighbors who would walk five miles to your house to hand deliver some errantly delivered mail he received knowing that it was only another credit card request. The contents of the delivery didn't matter, the reason for the action did. It wasn't his and he wanted someone else’s life to be complete.
Ashley was 47 years old, hardly seems that old now. He always seemed at least about two years smarter than me for as long as I knew him. When we were younger, he was a guy who could talk to adults and even they seemed to accept him as wiser than his years. I had Drivers Ed. with Ashley when I was a sophomore. You can imagine how little we learned when they showed the black and white, cheesy car wreck movies. It was like Mystery Science Theater 1981. He accepted me as a runt 10th grader and it felt really cool to be able to hang with a Senior without the uncomfortable feeling of having your underwear strap pulled over your head from the back. He always seemed to let go of the age difference and truly lent his ear and listened.
I wouldn’t see Ashley for another 12 years. My wife and I had finally made it to the post office on a Saturday to get in line to mail our Christmas gifts to family in the Lower 48. It was the very last of possible moments to make the Christmas cutoff. As we went inside the small Post Office, it was then that we finally chose to look at our watches. We missed the Saturday counter hours by a slight 3 hours. Pissed off and embarrassed at the same time, we started the circle of shame back to our car in 10 degree weather. While we were inside, a truck pulled in and parked immediately next to our car. Kay and I tried to stall, thinking they'd wake up and realize what we did AFTER hauling all our packages inside. We waited and, unfortunately, so did they – FOR FREAKING EVER!!! I couldn’t take it anymore and told my wife I was going to make a run for it!! I had the rear door almost open and I could see the driver’s window lowering – HURRY – they’re going to try and communicate and I’ll have to admit it was 3:00pm at the Post Office on a Saturday and I was an idiot.
“Excuse me, is your name Ken Murray?” What the hell? I had moved away from Alaska for over 10 years and anyone still in Alaska from that era still had at least 5 years to serve, even with good behavior. I looked up to find a man with a beard that would offer a person the opportunity to “walk-on” as a starting pitcher for the San Francisco Giants. Even with the Berber Carpet beard, I could tell it was Ashley. His covered smile couldn’t hide his squinting eyes and honest approach to complete strangers. We never should have met in a million years since high school, but everything in the universe lined up that day and I put my packages down and responded “Ashley Udelhoven?!” My wife, a native Texan and Alaskan resident for only a few months, went into “STRANGER = DANGER” mode (I think the beard was a large contributor to that reaction). We shook hands and reunited a friendship for both myself and with his wife Gayle. Gayle was from Oklahoma, so Kay felt like she had a new friend to cry with for hours on end as she plotted her eventual escape from the North (a five-year plan perfectly executed!!).
Ashley had an addiction for the outdoors and for Alaska in general. He had every possible piece of outdoor wear that a woodsman could want then bought two sets of backup gear, just so he had it. He was fearless with the outdoors but also knew that if it came down to going toe-to-toe with Nature, your best bet was to lessen your odds. Nature could always win so you had to have numerous backup plans. This was what wrestling was all about: observation, recognition, assessment, calculation, adaptation and, most importantly, execution.
Ashley also had a fantastic ability to tell a story. He was a master of sharing folklore while craftily interspersing digression as a means to make the retelling of a short story more like a complete chapter of interrelated events. I think he appreciated knowing all of the events that led up to a smaller story but wanted to share his awareness with all those who were patient enough to “get it” when he shared the final sentence of the story. He should have been an engineer. No wait……… scratch that last comment. I loved his characterizations and facial expressions. His laugh was contagious and worth the price you paid for admission!! Sometimes he would lose me minutes into the story. But before the punch line, I would already be laughing and ramping up for the finish line!! I, too, love to laugh and should do more of it. I even laughed at his stories he told about Nicola Tesla. I had a very vague idea who this cat was (I’m a bean-counter) but he was able to build an appreciation for the individual and I was able learn about Tesla from my friend the Electrical Engineer. He told many stories about electricity that should have put anyone else into an irreversible coma. But because it was told by the P.T. Barnum of cooperative electricity, I was fascinated. I usually asked if I could have another beer, deferring yet another bathroom break that was going to cost me dearly in the near-term.
One part of Ashley’s personality that I will always remember and try to incorporate to this day is his use of other people’s names throughout their conversation and his willingness to invest in the lives of others. Ashley was selfless when it came to offering help or sharing his knowledge with others. The guy was only 47 years old. If we all had 47 more years left to add on to our own lives, we might not be able reach the number of lives that Ashley touched in a positive way, whether it was in Oregon, Oklahoma or in his own backyard, Alaska.
Finally, on a very personal note, I wanted to share something Ashley was responsible for when I was on a weekend wrestling road trip as a sophomore. We traveled to Anchorage for a tri-meet and I got to wrestle varsity on part of the trip. I wrestled that night against East HS and won (I believe) when I wasn’t supposed to. Of course we beat the crap out of everyone as a team, but I felt like I contributed that night. Somehow I wound up in the hotel room of the three-headed monster: Kiser, Sliman and Udelhoven. We goofed around talking about various crude topics until the conversation eventually made its way to faith. At some point, I was singled-out and Ashley asked me directly if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I had no idea what he was talking about – I had a free pass, I was a Catholic. We ended up praying together and that night I accepted Christ into my heart in a very surreal and most unlikely setting. The next day was the most beautiful day ever in the history of Alaska as we drove to Seward! I ended up winning against one of the few Seward “golden-boys” and the universe couldn’t have been more at peace. I owe Ashley my life because of his willingness to reach out and help someone who had no spiritual tools to survive this life on Earth. He took the time to fix my life jacket because his was already working and secured.
We love you Ashley. I can’t wait to hear your stories in eternity!!
Your friend and Brother,
For more on how Ashley lived up until the end:
Ashley was 47 years old, hardly seems that old now. He always seemed at least about two years smarter than me for as long as I knew him. When we were younger, he was a guy who could talk to adults and even they seemed to accept him as wiser than his years. I had Drivers Ed. with Ashley when I was a sophomore. You can imagine how little we learned when they showed the black and white, cheesy car wreck movies. It was like Mystery Science Theater 1981. He accepted me as a runt 10th grader and it felt really cool to be able to hang with a Senior without the uncomfortable feeling of having your underwear strap pulled over your head from the back. He always seemed to let go of the age difference and truly lent his ear and listened.
I wouldn’t see Ashley for another 12 years. My wife and I had finally made it to the post office on a Saturday to get in line to mail our Christmas gifts to family in the Lower 48. It was the very last of possible moments to make the Christmas cutoff. As we went inside the small Post Office, it was then that we finally chose to look at our watches. We missed the Saturday counter hours by a slight 3 hours. Pissed off and embarrassed at the same time, we started the circle of shame back to our car in 10 degree weather. While we were inside, a truck pulled in and parked immediately next to our car. Kay and I tried to stall, thinking they'd wake up and realize what we did AFTER hauling all our packages inside. We waited and, unfortunately, so did they – FOR FREAKING EVER!!! I couldn’t take it anymore and told my wife I was going to make a run for it!! I had the rear door almost open and I could see the driver’s window lowering – HURRY – they’re going to try and communicate and I’ll have to admit it was 3:00pm at the Post Office on a Saturday and I was an idiot.
“Excuse me, is your name Ken Murray?” What the hell? I had moved away from Alaska for over 10 years and anyone still in Alaska from that era still had at least 5 years to serve, even with good behavior. I looked up to find a man with a beard that would offer a person the opportunity to “walk-on” as a starting pitcher for the San Francisco Giants. Even with the Berber Carpet beard, I could tell it was Ashley. His covered smile couldn’t hide his squinting eyes and honest approach to complete strangers. We never should have met in a million years since high school, but everything in the universe lined up that day and I put my packages down and responded “Ashley Udelhoven?!” My wife, a native Texan and Alaskan resident for only a few months, went into “STRANGER = DANGER” mode (I think the beard was a large contributor to that reaction). We shook hands and reunited a friendship for both myself and with his wife Gayle. Gayle was from Oklahoma, so Kay felt like she had a new friend to cry with for hours on end as she plotted her eventual escape from the North (a five-year plan perfectly executed!!).
Ashley had an addiction for the outdoors and for Alaska in general. He had every possible piece of outdoor wear that a woodsman could want then bought two sets of backup gear, just so he had it. He was fearless with the outdoors but also knew that if it came down to going toe-to-toe with Nature, your best bet was to lessen your odds. Nature could always win so you had to have numerous backup plans. This was what wrestling was all about: observation, recognition, assessment, calculation, adaptation and, most importantly, execution.
Ashley also had a fantastic ability to tell a story. He was a master of sharing folklore while craftily interspersing digression as a means to make the retelling of a short story more like a complete chapter of interrelated events. I think he appreciated knowing all of the events that led up to a smaller story but wanted to share his awareness with all those who were patient enough to “get it” when he shared the final sentence of the story. He should have been an engineer. No wait……… scratch that last comment. I loved his characterizations and facial expressions. His laugh was contagious and worth the price you paid for admission!! Sometimes he would lose me minutes into the story. But before the punch line, I would already be laughing and ramping up for the finish line!! I, too, love to laugh and should do more of it. I even laughed at his stories he told about Nicola Tesla. I had a very vague idea who this cat was (I’m a bean-counter) but he was able to build an appreciation for the individual and I was able learn about Tesla from my friend the Electrical Engineer. He told many stories about electricity that should have put anyone else into an irreversible coma. But because it was told by the P.T. Barnum of cooperative electricity, I was fascinated. I usually asked if I could have another beer, deferring yet another bathroom break that was going to cost me dearly in the near-term.
One part of Ashley’s personality that I will always remember and try to incorporate to this day is his use of other people’s names throughout their conversation and his willingness to invest in the lives of others. Ashley was selfless when it came to offering help or sharing his knowledge with others. The guy was only 47 years old. If we all had 47 more years left to add on to our own lives, we might not be able reach the number of lives that Ashley touched in a positive way, whether it was in Oregon, Oklahoma or in his own backyard, Alaska.
Finally, on a very personal note, I wanted to share something Ashley was responsible for when I was on a weekend wrestling road trip as a sophomore. We traveled to Anchorage for a tri-meet and I got to wrestle varsity on part of the trip. I wrestled that night against East HS and won (I believe) when I wasn’t supposed to. Of course we beat the crap out of everyone as a team, but I felt like I contributed that night. Somehow I wound up in the hotel room of the three-headed monster: Kiser, Sliman and Udelhoven. We goofed around talking about various crude topics until the conversation eventually made its way to faith. At some point, I was singled-out and Ashley asked me directly if I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I had no idea what he was talking about – I had a free pass, I was a Catholic. We ended up praying together and that night I accepted Christ into my heart in a very surreal and most unlikely setting. The next day was the most beautiful day ever in the history of Alaska as we drove to Seward! I ended up winning against one of the few Seward “golden-boys” and the universe couldn’t have been more at peace. I owe Ashley my life because of his willingness to reach out and help someone who had no spiritual tools to survive this life on Earth. He took the time to fix my life jacket because his was already working and secured.
We love you Ashley. I can’t wait to hear your stories in eternity!!
Your friend and Brother,
Ken
For more on how Ashley lived up until the end:
Video from Anchorage News Station: http://www.ktuu.com/videobeta/d2440ca0-296b-49be-89ad-3a705a5a7b11/News/Survivors-of-Fatal-Boating-Accident-Grateful-to-be-Alive
